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So let’s start with a hard truth….

if meal time is stressful for you, it is also stressful for your kids.

And we cannot cultivate a healthy relationship with food for our kids, if they are stressed while eating or around food. PERIOD.

So the first reminder, with picky and selective eating, a lot of it can revolve around control, our kids don't get to control much in their day to day, so when they can control SOMETHING like what and how much they eat, they often sink in - I know this is the case for my 5 year old.

(and also please know this is not the case or anything I type out here is not the case for all kids, those with feeding disorders or non neurotypical may have very different needs that need adjusting to when it comes to feeding, please speak with your care team for support!)

That said, it is important as the mom to remember your role here, your role is provide the food, provide the variety, make the enviornment stress free and FUN and also most of all SAFE.

You cannot force it.

It will backfire.

It may not backfire today, but the future of your kids enjoying food will be impacted and that is not what you want.

But you have to keep trying, alongside foods that you know are safe for them and that they will eat and enjoy because fed is still best.

So please remember, exposure matters, getting them involved helps, they are likely not protein deficient as they don't need as much as you think but what they do need is VARIETY, fiber and micronutrients.

I explain a lot of this here.
The exposure, the decreased pressure, the fun enviornment, it really helps!

But if you are also feeling a certain way about the frozen menu you serve…often (like me) I want to share a few things that may help you!

First its important to uderstand what kids really need. all ages.

They need to build trust with their bodies and form a solid relationship with food - eating together and meal times fosters this, they need varitey offerred to foster good gut health, and they need boundaries within control.

One of my favorite things i learned this year was from a therpist who said that there are 3 things we cannot do for our kids - we can control most things but we cannot pee or poop for them and we cant eat for them so they typically like to assert control over one of these 3 things! Mind blown, my oldest chose food. Looking like my middle is choosing potty training, stay tuned LOL.

Its hard but my job is to offer, to provide boundaries, educate and to allow some control in a safe setting.

Kids appetites like ours vary from day to day, they do not need as much quantity as you may think and every bite counts!

What I want you to do as parents to foster health for your kids:

• Offer a variety of foods, often - think all colors and lots of different types of proteins/carbs/fats alongside their safe foods

• Eat with your kids and help them foster a healthy relationship with food

• Have boundaries around food BUT allow them the control (FOR THE MOST PART - extenuating circumstance exist) of how much they eat. That is their “job”

• Help them understand what food does in our bodies

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Now let’s normalize some of your kids fave foods so you feel better about it all, I promise. If these are common for your home here are some ways you can spruce them up but also know they are likely great the way you are serving them!

GRILLED CHEESE: use higher protein, whole grain bread at home + cheese + butter/ghee/oil – carbs + protein + fat

• sneak in nutrition: add hemp seeds to the cheese for added protein/fiber/nutrients

• ex: 2 slices Daves Killer Bread white bread (6g protein) + 2 slices of cheese (~8g protein) + butter on bread: ~14g protein, whole grains, unsaturated fats - serve with fruit or veggie or both

PIZZA: contains protein, carbs and fat as is. can buy dough at TJs or Uncle Giusseppes around us and make your own or do greek yogurt/flour dough too! Serve with fruit and you truly have a complete meal. Bonus they actually eat it.

• sneak in nutrition: add hemp seeds to the cheese, chia seeds to the crust if your kids like seeds! pick the cheese and sauce if you DIY it and add fun toppings if the kids allow!

CHICKEN NUGS: Quick, easy source of protein - the air fryer

• can save the day! They pair with anything and you can eat them too and stll be “healthy!”

• sneak in nutrition: the caulipower nuggets have veggies (kinda) and look just like a restaurant nugget! Other similar brands exist too.

MAC AND CHEESE: again consider cheese a fat/protein and pasta the carb

• you can easily blend veggies and/or eggs into the sauce(or dont), serve as is with sides of fruit

• and veggies OR try a higher protein version like goodles or banza.

PASTA: can opt for a higher protein or wheat/bean

• variety, serve plain or with EVOO or sauce or a

  “dipping sauce” on the side

• New shapes count as new foods in my house!

I was getting down on myself so wanted to share, if at first we don’t succeed we try again right?! If you have go tos or ideas I would love to hear them!

XOXOX

Jenna

Well, it’s true. They wanted something different, I felt and still feel really called to tell my story and I think it could make a really great book.

The truth is I want to write about how to support moms with a foundation of nutrition and nutrition education and understanding in all seasons.

I never thought I would have a season that was defined by cancer, yet here we are.

And the truth? My nutrition needed to be and still needs to be on point in order to actually heal and feel good.

Something people really don’t seem to understand though is that yes, our seasons of life and our needs DO CHANGE, but the foundation of what matters when it comes to nutrition DOESN’T really change all that much.

This shocks people a lot. But I would say your nutrition over time needs to be tweaked, not upended.

The 5 Pillars of Wellness I talk about and have written about truly do provide the foundation for health. Another part of this convo is that we cannot CONTROL our health but what we can control, we should. I learned this the hard way and we can talk about it later.

Anyways, the 5 pillars are strong and rooted in promotion of true health and over the seasons of your life you will tweak them while still honoring them and understanding your own needs throughout the life cycle is key.

I firmly believe that true and meaningful changes to your nutrition start by UNDERSTANDING nutrition without bias and fear. Just the science and facts.

So let’s start with some of that and enjoy more from my book that is not going to have the chance to get publised, for now…!

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There is grief.

Deep deep deeeeeeeeep grief.

There is confusion and anger and so many emotions, but then…

…there is gratitude.

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I am so grateful my diagnosis was caught when it was, I am so grateful I am here, I am so grateful for my outcomes and I am still so angry this happened, is happening and will happen for the rest of my life.

See the thing with cancer or any chronic illness is that your body that you love, that you care for, that you prioritize, feels like it turned on you. It feels like a betrayal and for someone who has dedicated the past 17 years specifically of her life deep diving health and science and research and taking the best care of myself I feel I could, I am struggling with this.

How can I be so grateful and so angry at the same time?

The answer, I think, is that those emotions were never competing with each other.

They’re simply coexisting. I always tell clients this, two emotions can exist at the same time! That is so true and real, but doesn’t make their existence easier AT ALL.

I’ve spent so much of this journey trying to decide which emotion I’m “supposed” to feel and truly trying to stop myself from feeling the bad ones.

To the point where my therapist this past week told me, eloquently: “I have been waiting for you to be honest in how you are feeling, I have been waiting for this break down and break through and I have been waiting for you to stop tring to turn this into a positive.”

That struck me.

Toxic positivity has no place for me.

Being positive, being grateful - yes, trying to out run the bad feelings? not helping me. And I know it won’t help you either.

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But places I get stuck?

Am I supposed to focus on the positive because my cancer was caught early?

Am I allowed to grieve when my prognosis is good?

Am I allowed to be frustrated with the medication, the surgeries, the follow-up appointments, the uncertainty...when I also know how lucky I am?

The answer is yes.

To all of it.

Gratitude doesn’t erase grief.

And grief doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful.

I’ve realized that I’ve been treating these emotions like they’re on opposite teams, when really they’re sitting side by side.

Some days gratitude speaks louder.

Some days grief does.

Some days they’re both yelling at me at the exact same time.

And maybe that’s just what healing looks like.

Especially with the fact that this medication is involved now, my grief has resurfaced so much. I feel like my body is fighting so much harder and working so much harder to just feel “normal” in this moment and that freaks me out.

I don’t want my body to overwork itself to just be at peace.

But stressing over the stress? Two wrongs don’t make a right.

As a dietitian, I’ve always believed that two things can be true at once.

Dessert can fit into a healthy diet.

Vegetables are necessary and dessert belongs, too.

Nutrition has taught me that life cannot be all-or-nothing.

I’m realizing healing is the same way.

I can appreciate modern medicine and still resent that I need it.

I can love my body and still feel hurt by it.

I can feel hopeful about my future while mourning the version of me that never had to think about recurrence, medications, or scans and the impact this could have and has had on my innocent children.

Those truths don’t cancel each other out.

Maybe that’s the biggest lesson cancer continues to teach me.

That healing isn’t arriving at a place where only gratitude exists.

Healing is just messy. And sometimes it can’t be explained.

Life keeps moving, and so will I.

Not because I’ve made peace with everything.

But because I’m learning that peace doesn’t come from thinking I have to heal a certain way. This is my story. This is my journey.

I am giving myself permission to feel all things but also say outloud, this sucks.

And, I am so lucky.

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And in this moment, sitting in the car dealership while my oil gets changed, I’m realizing that there is no right answer. There is no two of the same journey, and there is no right or wrong with this shit. And it is shit.

However, this week I felt a shift, and I want to talk about it.

The one thing that changed in my cancer care this week wasn’t a new medication or a new test result.

It was validation.

I saw three doctors this week: my breast surgeon, a holistic medicine physician, and my therapist.

All three validated what I was feeling.

All three looked at me and, in one way or another, said, “Yes. This makes sense.”

Not one of them dismissed my symptoms.

And I think back to when I talked to another provider about symptoms I was feeling and she told me to my face that nothing I was asking or sharing could be directly linked or even connected to a diagnosis of cancer. And I really trusted her.

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Not one of them suggested I was overreacting.

Not one of them made me feel like I was imagining things.

Instead, they listened.

They explained.

They empathized.

And then they gave me a plan.

They gave me options, ideas and kindness.

I don’t think I realized how badly I needed someone to tell me that I wasn’t making this up.

That I wasn’t weak. That I wasn’t mean.

That I wasn’t somehow failing at handling all of this.

Two weeks into starting tamoxifen, I found myself feeling unlike myself. The emotional swings, the anxiety, the heaviness, it all happened so quickly that I started questioning my own mind before I questioned the medication.

I kept thinking, “Maybe it’s just me.”

Maybe I’m tired.

Maybe I’m overwhelmed.

Maybe I’m letting cancer become my personality.

Maybe I just need to snap out of it.

But every single provider I saw this week reminded me of something I couldn’t remind myself:

My body has been through a lot.

Not just physically.

Emotionally.

Hormones have changed.

I’ve had surgery.

I’ve been navigating fear, uncertainty, recovery, motherhood, work...and now I’m asking my body to adjust to another major change.

Of course I feel different.

Hearing someone say those words didn’t magically erase the symptoms.

I didn’t leave those appointments feeling “fixed.”

But I did leave feeling lighter.

Because validation has a funny way of taking away shame.

And a provider that just shrugs off or gaslights your symptoms for just being “menopause, hormones, motherhood” is simply, not ok.

When you’re struggling, the hardest part isn’t always the struggle itself.

Sometimes it’s believing you shouldn’t be struggling.

There’s a huge difference between hearing, “You’ll be fine,” and hearing, “I can see why this feels hard.”

One dismisses your experience.

The other honors it.

That distinction matters more than I ever realized.

One of the things my therapist said to me has been replaying in my mind all week.

She reminded me that it’s ok not to make everything a “positive” sometimes.

I am allowed to feel all the feelings.

And not always look at the bright side.

I am a woman with breast cancer but also a woman trying to parent three little kids.

A wife.

A dietitian and multiple business owner.

A friend, daughter and sister.

A person who still wants to laugh, sleep well, enjoy dinner with her family, and feel like herself again.

That perspective shifted something inside me.

Because somewhere along the way, I had started believing that feeling miserable was simply the price I had to pay for surviving cancer.

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But maybe it doesn’t have to be.

Maybe there are ways to support my body while it adjusts.

Maybe asking for help isn’t complaining.

Maybe advocating for myself isn’t being difficult.

Maybe my quality of life deserves just as much attention as my treatment plan.

I’m realizing that healing isn’t just about finding the right medication.

It’s about finding the right people.

People who listen before they speak.

People who explain instead of dismiss.

People who remind you that your experience matters, even when it doesn’t fit neatly into a textbook.

This week didn’t change my diagnosis.

It didn’t erase my fear.

It didn’t make tamoxifen side effects disappear overnight.

But it did give me something I hadn’t realized I was missing.

Hope.

Not the kind of hope that everything will suddenly become easy.

The quieter kind.

The kind that comes from realizing you don’t have to carry all of this alone.

And maybe that’s what turning the corner looks like.

I really hope I am. I feel like i am.

Wild things in motherhood and work have aligned themselves perfectly around this time that has complicated and made this all messy but I feel like I am digging out.

I feel hope again.

I haven’t felt this in awhile and I pray someone reads this who needs it.

If you havent yet I would so appreciate you subscribing and following along.

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My husband came home from work last week so excited to tell me a story about how someone he knows’ partner is currently going through perimeno and didn’t know it but was feeling off from hormones and went to the doc to discuss symptoms and doc gave her something that has “changed her life” shes feeling so much better blah blah blah.

I looked at him and go let me guess what it is.

He looks at me like he realized what the fuck he just almost said and I said back to him, and now you know why I have been acting so off.

Because what is saving this person is currently being messed with inside my body and it SUCKS. He gulped, we laughed. We moved on but mentally that convo has sat with me.

What I am feeling isnot fake and it is not SO IMPACTFUL that I cannot get through each day, so somedays it feels like am I being dramatic? and other days it feels like who am i.

It feels really hard. It is really hard.

But it is also not horrible. And that is the ping pong happening inside my brain and I am trying to decide what I can and cannot live with in these moments.

But I shared a lot of my story today on IG and will link it here so you can watch: https://www.instagram.com/p/DavII_jOAFq/

But what I share in there is essentially that I was gaslighting myself. I didn’t think I could possibly be having symptoms after a few days or a week and my doc basically looked at me and said this is not in your head, this is happening and helped me talk through it.

Her validation that it is hard, it is real and it is not me being “dramatic” made all the difference for me.

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I kept telling myself, “maybe this is in my head” - but it wasn’t.

Maybe I’m just tired. I am but it was more than that.

Maybe I’m overwhelmed. Also yes but this feels harder.

Maybe I’m more emotional because life has been...a lot. I mean my 2 year old going through separation anxitey and a dental trauma did not help.

Maybe I’m imagining it.

Or maybe it is the tamoxifen truly impacting my hormones.

My doctor warned me but I didn’t think it would hit me, not so fast and not like this.

On paper, it’s just one small pill.

One pill that’s meant to reduce my risk of breast cancer recurrence. One pill that gives me another layer of protection after everything my body has already been through. Estrogen is my biggest risk right now and pre meno age I have estrogen, this is something I can do to help decrease my risk.

I was grateful to start it.

I still am.

But I don’t think anyone prepared me for how quickly I would start questioning myself.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve noticed little changes.

Some physical.

Some emotional.

Some harder to put into words.

I’ve caught myself feeling irritable over things that normally wouldn’t bother me.

I have exploded and i am not proud.

I’ve had moments where I feel anxious for no obvious reason.

I’ve found myself wondering why I suddenly feel “off,” only to remember...oh yeah, I started a medication that’s changing how estrogen works in my body.

And every single time, my first instinct has been to convince myself I’m making it up.

Maybe I’m just looking for side effects because I expected them.

Maybe it’s placebo.

Maybe I’m overreacting.

But here’s what I’ve learned: just because something isn’t visible doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

My doctor in that moment not only validated me but had solutions waiting, I am not gong to share the supplements quite yet because I want to test and vet them first and they are currently being shipped to me but If they are good you better believe I will be sharing with you!

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One of the hardest parts of this cancer journey has been how many experiences live in the gray area.

People see surgery.

They understand scars.

They recognize recovery.

But medications like tamoxifen are different.

Life looks normal from the outside.

You take a pill.

You go to work.

You make dinner.

You pack lunches.

You answer emails.

And all the while, your body may be adjusting in ways no one else can see.

I’m still learning what my “new normal” will be.

Maybe these side effects will settle as my body adjusts. I truly hope they do.

Maybe some will stick around.

I don’t know yet.

What I do know is that I don’t want to spend the next five years wondering if every emotion, every ache, every frustrating day is somehow my fault.

I don’t want to tell my husband to divorce me beacuse I am cranky all the time. I don’t want my kids to be worried to upset me, they aren’t now but I can see that in the future if I don’t change things. I don’t want to be this woe is me sad person, that isn’t me.

I’ve spent enough of this journey questioning my own body.

Cancer already taught me that my body could surprise me.

Now I’m learning that healing can surprise me, too.

The irony isn’t lost on me that this medication is helping protect my future while also asking me to navigate a new relationship with my present.

That’s complicated.

It’s okay for both of those things to be true.

If you’re reading this because you’ve recently started tamoxifen and you’re wondering if you’re the only one who feels different, I hope you know you’re not alone.

Your experience may not look like mine.

Some people have very few side effects.

Others have many.

Neither experience is more valid than the other.

This isn’t a post to scare anyone away from treatment.

I’ll keep taking my tamoxifen because I believe in why I’m taking it.

It’s a post to acknowledge something I wish someone had told me:

It’s okay if your body needs time to adjust.

It’s okay if you feel frustrated.

It’s okay if you grieve another change you didn’t ask for.

And it’s okay to admit that doing something to protect your future doesn’t mean it’s always easy today.

And maybe, instead of asking myself whether it’s “all in my head,” I’ll start asking a different question:

What does my body need from me today?

I think that’s a much kinder place to begin.

I am going to try, and hope if you needed to read this it helped you try too.

XO,

Jenna

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Well, I think this book has so much potential and I know what was supposed to be in it would help so many people feel some peace and ease around nutrition so I am sharing chapters here.

Would love to know your thoughts.

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Happy Strong Healthy is my nutrition private practice and the 5 pillars of wellness is something I have been teaching and preaching to clients for over a decade.

I find the simplification of wellness to be so incredibly powerful in creating true and long term change and would love to share this with you. So here we go with chapter 1.

Chapter 1: The Basics of Balanced Nutrition for Busy Moms

The 5 Pillars of Wellness

When I started Happy Strong Healthy®️my nutrition practice, I wanted to be known for something. To be honest now, I think I am known for having three kids in a short time and faking it til I make it daily LOL but I digress, I came up with what I call the 5 Pillars of Wellness and they are what I still share with every client that walks into our practice.

A common misconception is that wellness is all about “what we eat.” The thing is, most people will, once educated properly, truly grasp the concept of food quickly! But it’s these other 4 pillars that may take a little more time and nurturing to truly make impactful change in our overall health. Nutrition is a big PIECE of the puzzle, but if your goal is sustainable habits for life, cultivating health and happiness with your entire body then you need to be thinking about more than just food.

I believe there are five behaviors that make up wellness and I want you to realize that not all five of these pillars have to be “perfect” each day or week. In fact, think of it like a strong home. It’s okay if there’s a couple cracks, as long as the base of the FOUNDATION is strong. And remember, if one pillar is off one week, we have 4 more to hold up the house without disruption.

Your 5 Pillars of Wellness to initially check yourself on (aka ask yourself how “good you are at taking care of these each day or week!) are:

1. Nutrition- food that is adequate and appropriate for you, consistent nourishment and fuel. Establishing a consistent stream of energy and TRUST with your body is the key.

2. Stress management- implementing a daily practice to bring calm into each day.

3. Sleep- 7-8 hours a night is not a luxury, it is a REQUIREMENT for survival. (and I know as a mom that feels impossible and sometimes it is but we will talk about how to prioritize it, not control it)

4. Movement- moving your body daily because it feels good to do so. This has to be from a healthy mindset-Think longevity.

5. Hydration- adequate hydration is involved in all of our bodies processes

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It’s funny or I guess not funny at all, that I went into that appt last week CERTAIN i was going to decline the meds after talking to my more holistic doc the day before and feeling really confident in the plan and supplements we came up with together.

I will say though that the holistic doctor told me when I was in tears about making the decision for my next steps that in my gut I would know what is best for me, and i really didn’t believe him.

And then - I chatted with my oncologist and there was no question what my answer was.

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Since sharing that I started these meds online I have gotten a ton of messages and comments from people asking me WHY i would EVER take them with “just DCIS” and if i really understood what the side effects were and blah blah blah.

And to this I would just like to remind people that minding your business is free :) questioning a cancer patient’s decisions to protect themselves and choice to listen to their doctor is not a good thing to do. I am TORTURED on the inside thinking about if this was the right choice for me and tortured myself for weeks leading up to it. I finally felt in my gut that it was the right decision and someone has the audactiy to tell me otherwise?!!!?!??! The internet is hard.

Anyways. Here is what my onco said - he essentially told me that estrogen was my biggest threat to reoccurance. He was honest that people who take the meds could still get a reoccurance just like people that dont take them, the truth is this is a gamble but he also told me in the nicest way he could that not trying the meds was not a good choice.

There are side effects.

We went through all of them together, but on the dose I am on currently he is pretty confident I wont have many or much but also told me if I do, we can stop!

The power to choose if you will.

And for me, not trying was not an option. So that’s that. I am still following up with my holistic doc now to manage and mitigate any symptoms and then I see my oncologist again in 6 weeks to see how I am doing.

So how am i doing?! THAT IS THE QUESTION.

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I think i’m ok. This week my oldest didn’t have camp, my middle started camp, but he also started protesting sleep after we took away his pacifier after a traumatic fall knocked out his front tooth, work has piled up and my patience feels very thin.

I feel cranky.

I feel bloated but I am getting my period at least I think I am?

I feel tired but ya know the sleep protest is exhuasting.

I feel uncomfortable in my skin but I also don’t know if I am being dramatic?

I feel nervous for what could happen.

I feel angry that I am in this position.

I feel grateful that there is an option for my cancer to protect myself for future.

I feel CONFUSED how this is all happening.

But back to gratitude, what a gift that I can do something to minimize risk and show my kids that I will always try.

I know not everyone gets the symptoms and I hope that mine are minimal or non-existent but we will see what happens. I am hoping that i can handle them and I am hoping I can keep a positive attitude. If I am being honest anything that threatens a phsyical change and esp discomfort (joint pain) really does scare me, the work I have done on body image for myself is really important now more than ever, but I am still human and in the current society we live in it feels harder than ever. In addition I have fought through injuries and pregnancies and surgery recoveries to get back to fitness and to think something could make that harder for me again makes me angry too, but i continue to go back to the fact that my roots and foundation are strong and this is work I will continue to do because it makes me feel good.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am giving it a shot. I am going to try my best.

But I also feel just so deeply sad. I feel like my kids are not getting the fun mom. But they are getting a mom that is here. I want them to remember this summer as a fun summer with a happy mommy but I feel like such a short tempered downer. I know that the moments of weakness for me are not their every minute/everyday lives and I know I can always repair and begin again but I guess what I am trying to say is that I am just so tired of things working against me. I just want to be happy.

But this little corner of the internet has helped so much and I am grateful to you all for allowing me to brain dump.

Here we fucking go. Fuck you cancer!

XOXO

Jenna

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the coffee shop vibes in bradley beach nj are immaculate. I am sitting here about 45 mins now before my follow up oncology appointment and feeling just so many feels.

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I am also watching the saddest movie about a sister who dies and the surviving sister navigating grief aroud that loss and it has the best music in it and so much inspiration to truly follow your heart. If you like ROBYN’s music you should def watch “voicemails for isabelle” im literally bawling lol.

Anyways, today’s feels are a lot of why and woeful feels but also gratitude. I really am trying to be grateful. I know I have a lot to be grateful for. But I am also so confused.

I have seen this oncologist before and I also have seen a naturopathic doc recently too. they both have differing opinions on my next steps. But also both agree??

They both want whats best for me. And both want to preserve my quality of life.

I want that too.

but yesterday my one doc said to me, “you need to trust yourself” and you need to trust your instincts and i just started crying.

Like uncontrollable cries.

I don’t trust myself right now.

I don’t trust my body.

I really dont like this feeling because I have always trusted my gut.

But that is just me being honest. I know i didnt skip appts or ignore signals but my body betrayed me and now I don’t know how to make the choice that is best for my next steps.

That said, I want to reduce my risk, I want to get better, I want to be smart, I want to do all the things.

But I also want to feel good.

Today, I will ask a lot more questions and hope the right answer comes to me.

Idk, maybe someone else understands this feeling. I would love to hear from you.

This is my story now.

this is my next chapter.

I was given a gift of a second chance and now I am goimg to own this responsibility. I really am.

Ok, off to my appt i go.

XO,

Jenna

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After typing that, it does sound naive and a little idiotic because truthfully we don’t have control over our health but a little scrolly scroll on social makes anyone feel otherwise.

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The day I met my breast surgeon I literally asked her if I caused my cancer because I love a diet coke and splenda in my coffee. She laughed WITH me because I knew it was dumb but I also felt like this must be my fault. Because the habits I engage with were supposed to matter and supposed to prevent this. What did I miss?!

Fast forward I did find out I have a gene called CHEK2 that is directly linked to breast cancer and whereas I still dont fully understand how I got the cancer from the gene when others in my family also have the gene but no cancer, I am grateful that I got tested and know that I didn’t do this.

The truth is when I got my diagnosis, part of me wanted to just throw in the towel and say Fuck it all I got cancer why am I even caring about myself anymore this blows, and the other part of me wanted to go on a juice and water fast because tiktok told me to. And then the realistic side of me, thank god, stepped in and helped me understand that the reality is that the behaviors that I promote and ones I personally engage with daily are the reason I am feeling OK physically post all this mess for the second time now, and there is a lot of power in that!

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As a dietitian, I’ve spent my career teaching people that nutrition matters.

Protein matters.

Sleep matters.

Movement matters.

Stress management matters.

And I still believe all of those things.

But if I’m being honest, one of the most confusing parts of my breast cancer diagnosis was reconciling those beliefs with a reality I never saw coming.

Because despite everything I knew and practiced, I still got cancer. And that sucked. As I have already shared in this story, I think a natural reaction is to blame our selves. Because how the F did this happen.

I breastfed all three of my children. I exercised. I ate vegetables. I prioritized protein. I slept as well as a mom of three young kids possibly can. I understood the science. I knew the recommendations.

And yet one pre op mammogram changed everything. I even begged my doc to not do it because i had NO family history or lumps and was not yet 40. But wow thank god he didnt take my shit right?!

The truth I’ve been slowly coming to terms with is that healthy habits were never a guarantee. Unlike the messaging about prevention on line, there truly isn’t prevention when it comes to cancer - there is risk reduction and that difference is important.

And maybe that’s the hardest lesson of all.

We live in a culture that loves certainty.

Eat this.

Avoid that.

Do these five things and you’ll never get sick.

But biology doesn’t work that way.

Health isn’t a moral achievement. Cancer isn’t a personal failure.

Sometimes terrible things happen to people who have done all the “right” things.

I know that now in a way I wish I didn’t.

What’s interesting, though, is that while my habits couldn’t prevent my diagnosis, I believe they helped carry me through it.

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I do see clearly now though that the behaviors I pride myself on helped:

• Going into surgery strong

• Having muscle mass to help recovery

• Helped with coping mechanisms post op

• Got me back to walking soon after surgery

• Pooping after surgery!! Always a win but esp with meds

• And mentally recovering too

The habits didn’t make me invincible.

But they made me resilient for sure.

The older I get, the less I believe healthy habits are about earning health, and the more I believe they’re about supporting ourselves through whatever life brings.

The same things I spent years doing for my long-term health became the things that supported me when my health was suddenly out of my control.

Overall, I knew how to support my body instead of trying to punish it.

Were those behaviors the reason my recovery went smoothly? I can’t say for certain.

But I do know they gave me a foundation.

And wait have I shared what they are yet? I’m not scrolling up to check but the core pillars of wellness I preach and our dietitian team preaches daily are this and these have become the most important pieces of my journey:

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1. Nutrition- food that is adequate and appropriate for you, consistent nourishment and fuel. Establishing a consistent stream of energy and TRUST with your body is the key.

2. Stress management- implementing a daily practice to bring calm into each day.

3. Sleep- 7-8 hours a night is not a luxury, it is a REQUIREMENT for survival. (and I know as a mom that feels impossible and sometimes it is but we will talk about how to prioritize it, not control it)

4. Movement- moving your body daily because it feels good to do so. This has to be from a healthy mindset-Think longevity.

5. Hydration- adequate hydration is involved in all of our bodies processes

They gave me something to stand on when everything else felt shaky. I always describe them as my foundation as our health foundation as what keeps us rooted in health.

And maybe that’s what health habits are really for.

Not perfection.

Not prevention of every disease.

Not immunity from life’s hardest moments.

Resilience.

The ability to navigate challenges when they inevitably arrive.

As I’ve moved through diagnosis, surgery, reconstruction, and recovery, my relationship with nutrition has changed.

Not because I believe in it less.

But because I understand its role differently now.

Nutrition isn’t a shield.

It’s not a guarantee.

It’s not a promise that if you’re “good enough,” you’ll be spared from illness.

It’s a tool.

A powerful one.

A tool that can help us feel stronger, recover better, maintain muscle, support our mental health, and improve quality of life.

But it’s still just one piece of a much bigger picture.

Cancer taught me that I have less control than I thought.

Recovery taught me that I still have more power than I realized.

Those two truths coexist every day.

I couldn’t control the fact that cancer showed up in my life.

But I could control how I nourished myself through surgery.

I could control whether I got out of bed and walked.

I could control whether I accepted help.

I could control how I showed up for my body after it had been through something traumatic.

Maybe that’s what health has always been about.

Not controlling every outcome.

But caring for ourselves regardless of the outcome.

And somehow, that perspective feels a lot more freeing than the one I had before.

Anyone relate?

Any topics you want me to cover?

I am really enjoying share my thoughts with you all.

In the next few weeks I am going to deep dive my nutrition non negotiables for the paid subscribers and also share more about my cancer medication journey which is starting this week. Would love to have you follow along.

XOXO

J

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I was feeling SO GOOD when I got diagnosed with cancer.

I felt like me again, for the first time in years.

I was excited about life. And then my body, that I had taken such good care of, betrayed me.

How do i get over this?

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But at the same time, I caught it early. I am OK today. In this moment. But at the same time, I’m not? I think trying to wrap my head around this has been one of my biggest challenges. I am ok but im not ok and will I ever be ok again?

I used to worry about the dumbest things.

Now I worry that every ache is a tumor.

How can I live like this?

And I am of course being dramatic but also not because these thoughts really do consume me.

This is my safe space my place to type and share in hopes of finding someone who also maybe feels this way too. I am ok, I promise, but I am also really hurting. But we are human and this is normal.

Life after cancer is really hard.

AND I am not expecting to live life after cancer, I am hoping to move forward while also carrying it with me.

When I was diagnosed, life became very simple in a strange way.

Not easy.

Not good.

Not simple in the way anyone would want.

But simple in that there was one thing that mattered.

Cancer. It consumed me and my entire family. Everything we focused on was getting through it. And then we seemingly got “through” the hard parts but I currently feel like I was ejected from a plane on a deserted island like with a mascara and expected to survive.

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Every conversation, every decision, every appointment, every ounce of mental energy revolved around it.

There were biopsies.

Consultations.

Surgery decisions.

Recovery plans.

Pathology reports.

The uncertainty was overwhelming, but the mission was clear.

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Get through this.

Then one day I did.

The surgery was over.

The appointments slowed down.

The crisis phase ended.

And everyone, including me expected life to go back to normal.

Except normal still feels impossible. Now maybe it’s because I am one month out from surgery 2 and still have one to go, so it’s fresh and not “over.” Or maybe its the upcoming meds meeting I have with my oncologist next week that is looming over my head, or maybe its that i really don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about this.

I mean I have so many friends and I love them all so much. But on paper, I am OK! And I should be happy that I am and don’t get me wrong, I am happy and I am ok, but I don’t feel like me and that feels really hard.

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Because while the world kept moving, I felt stuck somewhere between before and after.

Before cancer, I cared about productivity.

After cancer, I couldn’t remember why productivity mattered. But I am longing to get back to it.

Before cancer, I worried about deadlines.

After cancer, I want more deadlines but I am too overwhelmed to understand them. Does that even make sense?

Things are falling apart all around me in life and work but I don’t care the way I used to. Like i do but I can’t ?? Does that make sense?

Before cancer, I moved through life assuming my body would always cooperate.

After cancer, that certainty was gone.

I feel betrayed.

The hardest part hasn’t been the diagnosis.

It hasn’t been surgery.

It hasn’t even been recovery.

The hardest part has been figuring out how to rejoin a life that kept moving while I was busy surviving.

Because survival mode gives you purpose.

What nobody tells you is that life after survival mode can leave you wondering who you’re supposed to be next.

Some days I feel grateful.

Some days I feel strong.

Some days I feel completely normal.

And some days I stare at my computer screen wondering how I’m supposed to care about spreadsheets and social media captions and grocery lists after everything that happened.

I don’t have an answer yet.

I just know that today, this is where I am.

I guess this is processing?? Am I processing or pushing away feelings?

Why can’t I say these things out loud? Why can I only type them to this community? Why can’t I talk about this with the people who I know love me? It feels really hard. I feel really stuck but at the same time I feel IMMENSELY grateful.

Does that make sense at all?

Trying to figure out how to build an ordinary life around an experience that was anything but ordinary.

But all I do know is that the reason I am OK and the reason I am able to keep living a semi “normal” life is because of the way I have always treated my health and that is something I am carrying forward with me. I am ok beacuse I prioritze my health and my self and I am ok because I do take the time to care for myself and I am proud of that and I will keep sharing and writing because this is healing me. So thank you for reading. Maybe next I will share about the behaviors I am grateful for that I know have helped me.

What do you think?

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Seriously, what the fuck just happened to me.

This feels strange to admit because technically, the hardest part is over.

I mean that’s what people say at least.

But it really isn’t.

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I do know all surgeries and cancers are different, i do know you don’t know until you know and no one can truly prepare you but I feel so much disconnect and shock still.

I got a diagnosis, I handled all that came up that I was required to do. Life did not stop or even pause. And now a lot of the “hard stuff” is over and I am left here like, “did I really have cancer?” and sometimes I think do I call myself a “survivor” or because it’s not over do I still have it? I am so confused honestly and I truly have not processed this all yet.

The surgeries are done. The pathology reports came back. The appointments have become less frequent. Life has mostly resumed its normal rhythm.

But somewhere between hearing the words “you have cancer” and getting back to packing lunches and answering emails, I never stopped long enough to figure out what had actually happened.

When people imagine a cancer diagnosis, they often picture a clear before and after.

The diagnosis.
The tears.
The treatment.
The recovery.
The healing.

But for me, it felt more like being thrown onto a moving treadmill, on top speed, that 12.0.

One day I was a healthy 38 year old mom of three young kids who was finally starting to feel like herself again, a mom who literally finally started to go back to a regular workout scheudle, was feeling confident at work and ready to set and crush some serious goals. Our family was getting into a rhythm and things were feeling good, this is painful to even write. I was finally about to do something for me too, the surgery was something I was so looking forward to (reminder i was going for a breast augmentation and the pre surgery mammo found my diagnosis).

Then suddenly there were mammograms, biopsies, phone calls, consultations, surgical decisions, and words I never expected to apply to me.

DCIS.

Stage 0.

Cancer.

I can still hear my surgeon’s deep breath before he told me. This man truly is the reason I am alive and writing this and someone I am so grateful to now have in my life, but when I saw his name pop up on my car I was so excited for him to say “see you thursday for surgery,” and instead he took a pause and a deep breath and told me I had cancer.

And somehow, while my life changed completely, life also kept going.

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My kids still woke up hungry, screaming mommy 1000x in 10 mins.

The to do list still piled up.

Work commitments didn’t disappear.

The world didn’t stop spinning because I received a diagnosis.

So I kept moving.

I took more phone calls than i ever have (bc i hate talking on the phone).

I made decisions i’d never thought I would have to make.

I listened to people say, “im so sorry.”

I showed up for appointments.

I saw my mom, my dad, my husband cry.

I took a call from my 94 year old grandma who also had cancer and who has since passed, tell me “i promise you everything will be ok.” she told me “you have more to do here” (i will cherish those words forever because I trust her.)

I took on surgery.

I was a good patient and recovered.

I learned to drain my drains.

I had a f*cking wound vac attached to me. See below bc WTF.

I smiled when my kids were near, I cried when they left me.

I leaned on people. I allowed help.

I checked the boxes.

I did what needed to be done.

And now, months later, I’m starting to wonder if survival mode left any room for processing.

I have cried a lot, I have shared a lot, but I am not sure I fully comprehend that my body literally betrayed me. That my body attacked itself, that I caught this cancer early. That I am LUCKY but that this still SUCKS and all that the future holds.

Because the truth is, I don’t think I’ve fully wrapped my head around the fact that I had cancer.

Not the diagnosis itself.

The aftermath.

The reality that my body is permanently different.

The numbness behind my arm from lymph node removal.

The breasts that are beautiful but with those scars that will always remind me that this had to be harder than it should have been.

The nipples I kept but can’t feel.

The scars. The scars. The scars. For some reason they really upset me.

The places where sensation used to exist but doesn’t anymore.

The moments when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and remember that this wasn’t a bad dream.

This happened. It was a blur, but it happend.

The processing that medication is in my future, soon.

The processing that the gene mutation I have, one or 2 or maybe all 3 of my kids could have.

The processing that even though I did the radical thing, I amputated my breasts, the cancer could still come back.

And maybe that’s what nobody talks about enough.

Sometimes the emotional impact arrives long after the medical crisis is over.

Sometimes you’re so busy getting through it that you don’t have time to feel it.

Sometimes the grief waits patiently until life becomes quiet enough to be heard.

I’m beginning to think that’s where I am now. I hear it. I feel it deeply. I am so scared every day.

But life keeps life-ing.

Finally realizing that something enormous happened to me, and I might just be starting to process it.

Was I strong, or was I just too busy to fall apart?

And did that make this all harder for me?

XO,

Jenna

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That said, I am really proud of the pages i’ve written and want to share more of my story. This chapter was titled: “My Story” - was clearly workshopping titles but besides on my late podcast, I have never really shared my story of my body image struggles, my undiagnosed eating disorder, and truly why I was writing this book to support moms/women throughout every stage of life. And to share and show that I relate to more of what you may be going through than you think.

That said, I now if and when a book deal ever comes along again for me, will be adding in my cancer story too.

The parts where there have been 2 times in my life where I felt the “healthiest” and to societies standards looked it too and in those two times i have actually been the sickest versions of myself - one was the eating disorder and the second a cancer diagnosis.

It just goes to show you you truly can’t always “see” health.

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Anyways, going to share this now and would love to hear from you.

MY STORY.

Before we get deeper into nutrition education I just want to level the playing field here and tell you a little more about why I understand what it is you are looking for out of this book. Why I understand who you are and what you need, and why you should keep reading.

It is because I understand and am likely more like you than you think.

I am in my late 30s, I dieted basically from college until I was like 32 when I hit a rock bottom that forced me to get my life together and realize life is about so much more than shrinking myself.

But also if I am being honest, my body image issues started way before I knew how to diet and I think about this a lot. I was always the “athlete” and I have always been able to put on muscle. So the comments from family, family friends, coaches of “you have an athletic build” “you have strong legs” etc, when I was 7 or 8 they rolled off, when I was 14 and 15, they hit me like bricks. This was the era of cosmo mag, no one had an “athletic build” so I started hearing these words like bad things instead of the beautiful things they really were.

I remember at the ripe age of like 11 hating jeans.

They just didn’t fit me the same way they fit others, must be those strong legs.

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Sometimes people talk about reconstruction, however that is not something I ever thought about.

Almost nobody talks about what it actually feels like to live in the body that comes afterward. People fluff it up that you have the cancer that gets you new boobs - which honestly yes, that is a silver lining. But like, the conversations that come from this are not normal and don’t make me feel good.

“Your boobs look amazing” “thanks I had cancer” - it will forever be do i just say thank you or trauma dump LOL.

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Like how do I even begin to tell this story.

I hid this from everyone because I thought I would pop back on social in hoodies like nothing happened and just have the boobs I always wanted one day.

but this story is so much more than that.

It’s a story of trusting your gut, finding your team and relentless advocacy against a system that is not always set up for us.

here we go.

In Sept of 2025 I went for a cosmetic consult with a plastic surgeon who had helped me in 2023 when my son needed stitches. I joked in 2023 I’d be back one day for boobs after kids.

when I walked in though my priority was a rhinoplasty. Something I’ve always wanted. We joked in that appt about the boobs I always wanted. Talked pricing but I was not sure I wanted both.

in December, I emailed and told them to book me for both. I consider myself an impulsive person but also someone who when I want something i can’t stop thinking about it I knew this would be something that I would not stop thinking about anytime soon. Plus, if I was going to put my body through surgery, why not do it all at once.

On January 23, I brought my husband with me for my preop consultation and the surgeon looked at me and my husband and said what are we doing lol! I looked at my husband for his vibe in that moment, and then looked at the surgeon, Dr Fares Samra (aka the man who saved my life) And said let’s do it all. In that moment, he said this is amazing. We talked about size shape type, etc. and then he said but oh wait you don’t have a pre-or baseline mammogram. In that moment, I said back to him I am 38 and I have no family history so we are all good. And in that moment he said back to me that’s great, but I will not perform the surgery without this mammogram. I started to panic, thinking I wasn’t going to be able to schedule one on time, but had not a shred of doubt in my mind that anything would come from it.

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I was able to get in that day to get a baseline mammogram done. It was about noon on a Friday and I didn’t think about it again throughout the entire weekend.

On Monday morning, I got a phone call that said “hey we see some calcifications on your mammogram. I need you to come back for extra imaging and a potential ultrasound.”

I internally panicked, but after speaking to some friends came to the conclusion that this must be because I had recently breast-fed. I made the appointment for the follow up for that Thursday and again went on with my life. Remember, I have three kids and don’t have a lot of time to think - in fact I was prepping for the help and things I would need post plastic surgery. At the follow up imaging appointment they ended up also doing the ultrasound + the vibe in the room was totally off. I wasn’t thinking the worst, but I also knew in my gut. Something was not OK.

The tech told me the radiologist was suggesting a biopsy and I started to panic, my surgery was supposed to be the following week and there was no way I could get all of this done on time to be cleared again maybe naïve but having cancer was not even a thought in my head in that split second. However when i talked to the nurse all that changed when i saw her face.

I was called into the nurse manager‘s office and she tried to schedule me for that biopsy on February 27Th. I started to panic, and I got very emotional in her office. I accused her of being insensitive and thinking that she was judging me when she said she was sure that I was disappointed, that I wouldn’t be having my planned surgery.

this is where advocacy comes in.

I would like to say I was respectful in this moment, but I definitely wasn’t. I truly lost my mind was hysterically crying and I quote said to her “with all due respect fuck my surgery. I have three little babies at home and you are telling me something is wrong inside my body and now I have to wait an entire month to even find out what it could be.” Mind you this was January 29th. She quickly found an earlier date being February 13Th but I still wasn’t having that.

In this moment, the gratitude that I have for my care team goes beyond words, I spoke with my plastic surgeon in my emotional state, and within a few hours was able to be squeezed in for a biopsy much sooner.

I truly put my foot down and told them in fact I wasn’t leaving the office until they took the biopsy lol, but instead waited in the parking lot until I spoke to the people that I knew cared about me and made things happen on my behalf.

The next day they took out a massive amount of tissue for my biopsies, noting that there were multiple areas of concern.

On February 2, I received that phone call that nobody wants to hear. I had cancer. I did have people tell me it was the good kind the kind that heals the kind you get over the kind they can take out. All of these things I am still and will always be forever grateful for, but having cancer forever changes you whether you heal from it or not.

From there, the MRI I had to get immediately showed way more cancer than we initially thought. In fact it was covering greater than 25% of my breast tissue. And final pathology showed cancer was in 50% of my breast ducts. The same ducts, That fed all three of my babies and kept them safe during sick season because all three of them were born during the height of illness times, And knowing that and hearing that has forever changed to me, I don’t know how else to describe it.

from there, everything else happened really fast. I met my breast surgeon, Dr. R Patel, And although everybody encouraged me to get a second opinion, no matter who I was seeing the first time, I knew in my gut, she was my surgeon from the moment she walked in the room. Not only did Dr Samra highly endorse her, her confidence and professionalism just truly spoke for themselves. And she was my doctor.

Due to my size to begin with and the amount of cancer found my options were limited. Double mastectomy was my plan of action.

After that, it was appointment after appointment. I became a human pin cushion And they took vials and vials of blood. And then I waited. I had massive “my chart” anxiety waiting on all the results.

But at home with my three kids, life just went on. Like this wasn’t happening. Like there wasn’t something disgusting growing inside my body. My mind has gone to the worst of places thinking I did this, thinking, my babies drank cancer milk, thinking as a dietitian, I am so embarrassed that this is happening to me and filled with so much shame. And as people try to help me all day long set up a plan for postop, I just pretended it really wasn’t happening. I think that is how I coped.

when I got that first call, I fell into my husband’s arms and then melted into my parents. And every night from February 2 on, I fell into my husband‘s arms, and cried every night until I didn’t think I had tears left and then would wake up do morning routine, do my work, workout - I was getting so fucking strong - try to prep ahead and try not to be the cancer girl.

It made me laugh though because when I felt close enough to someone even a little bit and they asked me how I was doing or what was new, and I would just blurt out, “Oh, I was diagnosed with breast cancer” and then start crying. It really was a mood Killer 😂

In these early days, I also learned up so many other women who have walked this path, and I am baffled by it.

What I take away the most is the fact that both the plastic surgeon and the breast surgeon said if I wasn’t going for a breast aug at 38 I would not have found this for years and who knows what it was going to look like in 2 to 3 years. It was not the slow growing kind and there’s no way to know if I even would’ve felt it, but it would’ve been a very different conversation about treatment options if I waited.

Cue “someone’s watching over me” by Hilary duff.

I need to say this for all who read to hear, my team - you are my hero’s the most skilled but also compassionate and caring doctors I’ve ever met in my life. Thank you will never be enough. You are angels 😇 on this earth and where as I know my journey is far from over I am so grateful for how I feel in this moment thanks to you.

So maybe this is part one, Or maybe this is all I will have the balls to write, But when I say a boob job saved in my life, I really mean it.

Women, advocate for yourselves. Stay on top of your screenings in addition to your facials and everything you do to make you feel good because true health is doing what we can to prevent or catch what we are able to.

Love you 🩷🦋

Then Feb hit and in walked my new cancer diagnosis.

I didn’t realize how having cancer would literally change every ounce of me but it did. I reached out to my editor wanting to change the book title to, “My boob job saved my life: and other lessons in being a woman” or something similar. I needed to add in my story and how to care for yourself and your family when the unimaginable strikes.

The new crew didn’t love it.

Could I have pushed to find a new space for the book? I am sure I could, but now that I have you guys I think I will share chapters and pages here and maybe it will evolve.

The chapter I am most proud of is about stress and stress management, reading it back the things I was stressed about in December (when I last wrote and wrote this chapter it was when my husband threw his back out and I had to take care of my kids all alone, fast forward he has had to do this without me being able to lift the kids post surgery for about 10 weeks now :( life is FUNNY NOT FUNNY sometimes), seem so mundane now but it’s a good reminder that seasons pass, things change, we grow together and can handle what is thrown at us, even when it feels impossible.

I am going to keep writing new chapters too and I am going to keep sharing the inner thoughts about my life post diagnosis, like how today I did EMDR with my therapist and told her I wanted to take a break until summer was over and she politely told me, “I will see you next month LOL” - this is really therapeutic for me, I hope for you too.

So let’s talk about stress.

PS lets go knicks 🏀💙

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So disclaimer what I am going to share is not evidenced based or for sure connected but I do think a correlation may exist AND I am so curious if anyone else can relate to this. Sharing experience not advice.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb 2026. I had my third baby in Jan 2025. Being “postpartum” for the third time there were things that I noticed (in hindsight) that were different about myself that I just wrote off as “postpartum” or “perimenopause” maybe or just being tired because I had a 4, 2 and 3 month old. I actually did bring them up to my OBGYN after my diagnosis and she said “they could be related” but there is no confirmed connection. That’s a whole other women’s health issue for another day.

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When I was diagnosed I was completely floored.

as a dietitian who truly believed she was doing “everything right” for her health, worrying about myself was never something I thought about. Sure I had the underlying worry of wanting to be healthy forever for my kids, like I think most parents do - but cancer? me? nah.

Then I got the call.

If you are new here, I was going to get a breast augmentation and my pre-op mammo instead found breast cancer. I can go through these details in another post though.

But once I was diagnosed so many things happened, and all so fast, I really haven’t had time to process it all so I thought, let’s write about it.

Is Breast Cancer Really the "Good Cancer"?

The first time someone told me breast cancer was “the good cancer to get,” I didn’t know how to respond.

Should I say thank you?

Should I feel lucky?

Should I be relieved?

I understood what they were trying to say. Breast cancer research has come a long way. Survival rates have improved. There are more treatment options than ever before. Compared to many other cancers, there is reason for hope. Plus my diagnosis was early and my stage was 0, what a miracle really. But it’s still cancer. Fucking, CANCER.

Sitting on the receiving end of a cancer diagnosis, “the good cancer” feels like a strange thing to call the disease that suddenly consumes your thoughts, changes your body, disrupts your plans, and forces you to confront your own mortality.

Cancer is cancer.

Even when the prognosis is favorable, there is nothing particularly “good” about hearing the words, “You have breast cancer.”

What many people don’t see is that breast cancer doesn’t begin and end with a diagnosis. It becomes a series of decisions you never wanted to make. Surgery. Treatment plans. Scan results. Waiting rooms. Follow-up appointments. Side effects. Uncertainty.

And then there are my kids, their futures, the impact this has on THEM.

And then there are the comments.

The things people say because they want to help.

The things people say because they don’t know what else to say.

The things people say that somehow make an already difficult experience feel even more isolating.

And then the people who literally say nothing because, “well at least you are getting the boobs you wanted” is their thought process.

LOL amputating them first wasn’t in my plan but GOTCHA!

“At Least It’s the Good Cancer”

This one deserves its own category.

I know the intention is usually comfort. But the message often feels like my fear should be smaller because someone else’s cancer might be worse. And again, I don’t take for granted the fact that my cancer has treatment options, I am so blessed and so grateful but I also remember a text I got from someone comparing it to a flu. Like yay it’s treatable. Also wtf.

Breast cancer is not one disease. There are multiple subtypes, stages, treatment approaches, and outcomes. Things I truly didn’t know.

Some people require surgery alone. Others undergo months of chemotherapy, radiation, targeted therapies, or years of hormone treatment.

Mine - surgery x 3 in the end + meds, not the same as the flu.

Regardless of where someone falls on that spectrum, their experience is real.

Their fear is real.

Their diagnosis is real.

Nobody needs their cancer called, easy.

“You’re Going to Beat This”

Another statement rooted in love.

And yet, it can carry an invisible burden.

Because what happens if I’m not feeling optimistic today?

What if I’m scared?

What if I’m angry?

What if I don’t want to perform courage for everyone around me?

Sometimes people with cancer don’t need motivational speeches. Sometimes we need permission to be honest about how hard this is. And not be compared to anything else. Because this really does SUCK.

“Everything Happens for a Reason”

This one may be the most difficult for me. And in fact I never say this anymore, but instead have changed it to, “not everything happens for a reason, but I am enjoying the purpose that I have found in my diagnosis.”

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find meaning in this experience. Growth, perspective, gratitude, resilience, they come in waves.

But cancer itself isn’t a gift.

I don’t believe I needed cancer to learn life’s lessons. Plus, cancer has already taken people that I love and I truly thought I had endured enough.

Sometimes terrible things happen. And the strength we discover afterward shouldn’t be confused with the event itself being somehow meant to happen.

“You Don’t Look Sick”

This sounds like a compliment.

Often, it isn’t.

Cancer doesn’t always announce itself visually. Many people continue working, parenting, exercising, showing up socially, and smiling while carrying enormous physical and emotional weight.

Looking healthy and feeling healthy are not the same thing.

I have shared this before too and open to sharing it again with you, my new substack community (hi by the way!), but there are 2 times in my life now that I looked from society’s standpoint “the healthiest” and have been the least healthy version of myself. 1. when I was struggling with a silent eating disorder but was thin! and 2. after having 3 babies I was finally getting my strength back, feeling good and back to myself and boom CANCER.

What I Wish People Would Say Instead

“I don’t know exactly what to say, but I’m here.”

“That sounds really hard.”

“How are you doing today?”

“What do you need right now?”

“I’m sorry and this SUCKS.”

No silver lining.

No comparisons.

No forced positivity.

Just presence.

Because the truth is, there is no good cancer.

There are cancers with different statistics. Different treatments. Different outcomes.

But for the person hearing the diagnosis, every cancer is life-changing.

And sometimes the most comforting thing anyone can do is stop trying to make it sound better and simply acknowledge that it is hard.

That’s enough.

A few others I’ve Heard That are NOT Helpful…

• “At least they caught it early.”

• “My aunt had breast cancer and she’s fine now.”

• “Stay positive.”

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “God only gives you what you can handle.”

• “You’re so strong.”

• “When this is all over...”

• “Just focus on the good things.”

• “Have you tried cutting out sugar?”

• “What caused it?”

• “I could never handle what you’re going through.”

• “You’ll get a free boob job.” ← heavy on this one.

• “At least breast cancer is common.”

me waking up without boobs, with a wound vac and expanders. The good stuff ya know LOL.

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Thanks for being here, are you a cancer survivor? Are you someone impacted by breast cancer? I want a safe space to talk about what I am feeling and how this has changed my life.

I want to support you too, I want to share things in a safe way, I want to help people.

In my substack I will share food thoughts - aka when appetite is really impacted by diagnosis and mental health and also foods for healing post surgery, I want to share details of my recovery I haven’t shared yet, I want to share what I am feeling and help more people who also might be dealing with this beast.

Join me.

Love you, mean it.

XO!

Jenna